So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
