I think i sorta joined a cult last night
someone get that fucking seahorse.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
