New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She's the barista slut.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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