I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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