i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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