I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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