only if we run a train.
done.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
