dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
