so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
