I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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