why im i the only drunk person in the library?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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