Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
