It was confusing and full of hummus
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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