You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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