even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
did you just send me my own nude
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
