If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
