plz talk dirty to me
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
