Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
