Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
