how do flat chested girls get laid?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
His hands were made for my vagina.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
