She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
