are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
