I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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