woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
