Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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