I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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