I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize