I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
