Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
