everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
