Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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