I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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