She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize