I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
