You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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