So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
