he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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