Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
