You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
