she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
