it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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