aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
