Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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