Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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