I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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