it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
