I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
