ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
