Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
