My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
