R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
this is an emotional support booty call
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
