I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize