Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
