I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
