My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
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