God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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