Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize