Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
