I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
