How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
