hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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