note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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