I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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