Ambien. No doubt about it.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
