Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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