he looks like a really good dad on facebook
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
