So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
