After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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