My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
