I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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