her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Hippo gnu deer
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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