I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
